Hi, my name is Lauren and I am a sugar addict. (Hiiiii Laurennnnnn)
From an early age, I knew I had a rather large and in charge sweet tooth. It used to be tamed by the candy bars my grandfather bought for my every week, because as a child of marathon running parents who forced healthy eating upon me, I was thought to be deprived of these sugary, carb and calorie loaded bars of deliciousness. Every Wednesday after school, he'd pick me up from the bus stop and immediately drive me to the corner store where I was allowed to pick out two king sized candy bars - and eat them both right away. I remember the cookies and cream Hershey's bar being a solid staple in that decision making. In high school, I would buy a candy bar daily from the sports teams selling them, and I often passed on the tuna sandwich my dad packed me for lunch and opted for two, insanely huge, soft chocolate chip cookies from the cafeteria. I was lucky to have inherited my dad's speedy metabolism, but still remember the feeling of the sugar highs and lows, and the comment from one classmate about how I looked good with the few extra pounds I recently put on; a line no teenager, even as rail thin as I was, liked to hear.
Those teenage years of craving sweets but not wanting to gain weight were the start of poor habits that lasted well into my twenties. I'd skip meals to accommodate the "gotta have it" size cake batter ice cream with mashed Heath Bar from Cold Stone Creamery. As an adult, I'd calorie count in order to have a dinner out with a couple glasses of wine, but would end up with that sugar craving when the buzz kicked in and end up eating well over my allotted number anyway. I would over exercise the next day to make up for it, mentally yelling at myself for having no control, thinking about how many miles I'd have to accomplish in comparison the calories consumed. I'd restrict my eating to further punish myself. Food, alcohol and exercise became so apparent to me that I could think back to any gathering or event, and would first remember my choices. Did I over drink, did I over eat, did I run twenty mikes the next day...I knew and remembered all these things before remembering conversations, laughter, or other important events from that day. I was uncomfortable in my decision making and was so guilt ridden beacause of it. It was a miserable cycle, but I had the power to change it. I first had to identify my weaknesses, and then crush them. Case point: sugar.
Everything triggered my sweet tooth. The end of a meal meant a little sweet treat to top it off. The end of a busy work day meant a well deserved glass (or two) of wine. The aroma of a cake scented Yankee Candle had me searching Pinterest for microwave mug cake recipes. Before bed it was always a toss up between hot cocoa or tea with extra honey. Sugar surrounded me, and it only intensified the more I catered to it. I used to ignore the amount of sugar I gobbled up, because I had eliminated white sugar from my diet years ago, and used coconut palm sugar, pure maple syrup, raw honey, or fruits to sweeten things. But recently I noticed a sincere crave for more. Where I used to be satisfied with a teaspoon of coconut sugar in my coffee, I suddenly needed 2 tablespoons to tame the tooth. I needed a little dessert after both lunch and dinner, instead of every now and then as a treat. And, I'm sure the amount of sugar in wine contributed to my enjoyment and ease of having more than one hefty glass.
The New Year was an easy time for me to hit my re-set button; especially after celebrating Christmas on 5 different occasions. The amount of wine and Honey Jack sipped lead to a taste test of any and all desserts I could find. I knew these things were treats, and that it had little to do with weight gain based on the amount I exercise and eat clean the other 98% of the time - but I simply felt gross. I knew as part of my resolution that I wanted to do something about it, but I also knew that I didn't want to be so drastic in my decision such as "quit sugar" or "quit drinking" because I enjoy these things, especially when sharing a night off with my husband or gathering with family and friends. It was important for me to conquer this weakness in a sense of gaining control, not cutting it out and depriving myself completely. Plus, I just wanted to do something good for my body in the form of a detox, and so the 21 day sugar free diet came into play.
So far, it's been the perfect challenge. Not only is it forcing me to take a much needed break from sugar and alcohol, but it's also forcing me to think outside the food box - a place I often landed myself when the kids went to bed. I'd be tunnel visioned to their bedtime in order to enjoy a little dessert, maybe a glass of wine, a mug of hot cocoa or some form of sweet snack. It was what I considered my daily "me/mommy" time, and I loved this time. Seeing these words written down makes it seem pretty lame, but I nearly didn't know what to do with myself on those first few nights without having sugary foods to look forward to. I'd depressingly look at my dinner and think to myself "well, this is it". It has, however, effected my parenting in a positive way, because I no longer feel like rushing my kids off to bed in order to gain the alone time I craved - because I have nothing to look forward to! So for the last 5 days, bedtime has been much more gradual and relaxed.
This challenge is also a much needed boost in my ability to say no. Some nights, I may not even feel like having that glass of wine or those sips of whiskey, but I do simply because. Because it's our night off together. Because we are socializing. Because a friend stopped by unexpectedly. Because it's expected of me. So, I started my challenge a day early with a sober New Year's Eve - something I've only done twice before, and because I was pregnant. It was somewhat easy, since I was out with the girls and never have anything to drink if I'll be driving them, but the ease of it came with my early decision on the matter. I didn't give myself the option. I said "no alcohol tonight" and that was that. I needed to show myself that time with friends could be just as fun with a tea in hand as it was with a glass of red. Plus, with lots of yummy treats surrounding me, it was a good reminder that because I wasn't sitting in a cozy buzz, I wouldn't make sugar indulgences that were out of my norm.
Tell you what though - this is not a feel good challenge. With limited food options (including fruit), I have been rocking a serious bloat-belly from all the extra veggies I'm forced to go to when hunger strikes. Because I had to further eliminate foods - and already ate so strictly - I was forced to reintroduce foods into my diet that were allowed within the 21 day sugar detox, but that I didn't normally eat, like full fat dairy and a variety of nuts. I've rocked a slight headache everyday since the challenge started, and my energy levels are shot. My morning coffee, which used to be one of my favorite times of the day, is now less appealing without the sweet addition of coconut palm sugar. And, most annoying of all, I always feel hungry. I am eating plenty as far as portions and calories with all my protein and good-fat based meals, but because I'm never getting that "end" feeling of capping off with a treat, my body is always searching for what it's missing.
So, it's tough. It's going to continue to be tough. But I'm glad I'm doing it. I have girlfriends who jumped on this crazy train with me who I can text and complain to daily - and also who can hold me accountable. I know that I am doing something incredible for my body, and that when these 21 days are over, I will feel accomplished. I am hoping to gain a better grasp on my sweet tooth, say no when I'm not in the mood to drink, and hopefully eat and drink as I please with less disordered eating thoughts provoked. It helps to know that it's only 3 weeks, and nothing permanent. It also helps to know that I could be running 50 miles, and nothing was worse than that ;-)
Day 6 - 15 to go.
