Voluntarily waking up at 4:50 on today, Mother's Day, has me filled with an amazing sense of self. After years of hard work to let go, just be, rid of expectations, and enjoy the little things, I woke with an empowering feeling of accomplishment; no thoughts of gifts or flowers, no desire to escape to a spa, no push to sleep in or do less - a free mind to enjoy the 2 reasons I am able to celebrate Mother's Day at all: my Littles and my husband.
One year, I set myself up for failure with my own expectations. I assumed I'd wake up to a beautiful bouquet of flowers on our dining room table, after, of course, being able to sleep in and maybe even receive breakfast in bed. You can imagine my annoyance when I was the one to wake up with the kids, walked into a dining room with an empty table, and bitterly began to make my own breakfast. The day had just begun, and I was already in asshole-mode. Though, I did give a solid effort to not seem annoyed once my husband woke up, that lasted about as long as breakfast did. I sat there, poking my scrambled eggs, and unwrapping hundreds of tiny folded pieces of paper with hearts on them that Lyla made me, before finally snapping at Eric. "You couldn't have at least got me flowers or something?!" He had no comment. Then, after taking the dog out, emerged with flowers and my favorite chocolate bar which he had been hiding in the car.
I ruined what could have been a great, relaxing morning with my family by expecting it to go a certain way. It's true what they say: let go of your expectations and you will never be disappointed. Just because I didn't wake up that morning to find flowers on the table, didn't mean I wasn't getting them, and because I had my own plan of how the day would go, I ruined a thoughtful moment. Not to mention the fact that I wasn't mindfully present while opening all these teeny adorable papers from my daughter (the reason I am able to celebrate this day in the first place!) - I was too busy being annoyed, fueled by expectation and selfishness. The funny thing is that I'm not even a huge gift person. I'd much rather give than get, but there's something about the questions you receive around a holiday like Mother's Day that sets you up for those expectations, even if it's not what you really care for. My mother is a big contributor to these questions, as she believes her daughter's husband should give her the world by showering me with gifts and foot massages and over the top plans. That's what she expected when she was married, and she wants me to expect the same. And, as clearly pointed out above, I used to.
Luckily, I've learned to shut down the expectations department. What a relief. Time holds more value to me than any number of flowers, diamonds, or gifts. Today, at 4:50, I got out of bed to enjoy one of my favorite times of the day, where the house is quiet and the birds are loud. I sipped my giant mug of coffee as I click away on the laptop, anticipating a day filled with nothing more than family. The greatest gift is simply time, and how lucky for me that today marks the first day of my husband's vacation. Normally, we would be squeezing as much time as possible out of the morning before he left for his second shift job, but today, we get to let it al unfold and just enjoy. For that, I am thankful. But today, for some reason more than others, I feel like I am "here" - I can feel all of my hard work paying off as I am able to simple be - it's been a long few years of endless reading, yoga, deep breaths, and self work, and it'll always be on-going, but today, I feel that inner calm I have been striving for. No expectations. A feeling I'm sure my husband will appreciate when he wakes up to loving arms instead of crossed ones. No asshole-mode today. Just gratitude.
Sunday, May 8, 2016
Thursday, May 5, 2016
Taking Care
As I explore my options of Wellness Coaching, as well as coast along in my own journey of health, I'm certain of one thing: self care is the bottom line of it all. And, as research and experience has taught me, it all begins with your mind. A positive mindset sets us up for success. Creating happiness and self love has been a long journey, but a powerful one nonetheless, and I believe that all good things naturally fall into place once this is established; eating healthy because you want to nourish your body; exercising because you want to feel good - these are fueled by the positivity that follows your self respect. Skipping a meal after a splurge because you feel guilty, justifying over eating because you didn't eat all day, or over exercising to "work off" things are all causing harm, not only nutritionally, but emotionally, because they are fueled by a negative sense of self. Once you rewire your mind to treat yourself with respect, good habits naturally occur, and you are able to make more clear, healthy, and mindful decisions.
I'm a morning person. I absolutely love waking up hours before my family and taking that time to myself. I'll join friends for a run, go to the gym, or read and write while I sip a bowl (yes, bowl) of coffee. I used to just view this as "me time" and left it at that, but what I didn't realize was how much of an impact my mornings had on the rest of my day - and my choices throughout. It was my time to be selfish, to think only of myself and my needs, and to take the opportunity to start the day on the right foot, regardless of how the previous day went. It was always a new start, and I was in control. decided to use this control to establish healthy habits that would create a domino effect of good habits to follow thought the day. I started back on New Year's Day, the most cliché resolution day, simply with promising myself to drink warm lemon water first thing each morning. I bought a glass juicer that I squished half a lemon into while I let the hot water run, then combined and chugged with a straw. Not the most pleasant thing immediately after rolling out of bed when that 5am alarm goes off, but the benefit of knowing the good I was doing my body was rewarding. Not to mention, the tart taste woke me right up, which was helpful on days I dragged myself out the door to exercise minutes later.
Doing my body good on the inside made me want to do the same for the outside, and so I developed another daily habit: body brushing. This is one of my more bizarre things, yes, but with the benefits of exfoliating, increasing circulation, detoxing, and keeping cellulite at bay, it was an easy habit to keep, especially when I combined it with another daily habit: showering. Now, everyday before I shower, which I know I'll do, I body brush while the water warms. Consequentially, this lead to the habit of post-shower moisturizing. Amazing how something as simple as applying lotion (or coconut oil in my case) can be such a treat to yourself. The baby-soft skin as a result of the body brushing and moisturizing doesn't suck, either.
At this point on most mornings, it's still before breakfast, and the house is slowly starting to stir. I've already had my lemon water, exercised, and cared for my skin. This is my "feelin' pretty spiffy" time of the day since I have made all good choices and feel great, mentally and physically. Because of this, I am unlikely to ruin that with an unhealthy breakfast or poor attitude, and so the good habits keep unfolding as the day goes on. When I make myself a meal, I think about how it's nourishing my body, and that I'm eating for fuel, not comfort. Reminding myself to respect myself keeps me in check with my decisions - and this spans far beyond food, like when a client wants to be squeezed into an already packed day, and I have to say no, because saying yes meant not respecting my limits.
Another important way I "take care" is to eliminate the word "should" from most things. I should be at the playground with the girls, but I'd I would be cold, cranky, and miserable. I should eat this salad when what I really want is a burger. I should only have wine on weekends instead of incorporating it into mid-week laundry night. The thing about "should" is that it suggests something for us, based on society or other people we know, instead of allowing us to tune into our needs. The fact is, I get cold easily and don't want to be at the playground on those 40 degree days, and that if I'm craving a burger, I want to eat the damn burger, and that a glass of wine on Tuesday night turns folding 3 baskets of laundry into something relaxing and enjoyable instead of a dreaded chore.
As I've mentioned before, an area of struggle for me continues to be at night, after the kids are in bed. It's easy to justify an extra glass of wine or nighttime snack after an entire day of solid healthy habits, and even easier knowing I'll wake up to my warm lemon water and a fresh start the next day. This is where my work in "taking care" continues - but I'm also enjoying the challenge, and the reward being the good habit itself; when I wake up knowing I didn't over indulge, I feel a strong sense of self control. On nights where I may have had that little extra, I put my good habits to the test: eating a normal breakfast, exercising a normal amount, and continuing on with these little daily health choices to inspire another day of feeling good.
Taking care of how you think of yourself must be the first step in a healthy lifestyle. Mind over matter, love yourself first, and the healthy habits will naturally follow.
I'm a morning person. I absolutely love waking up hours before my family and taking that time to myself. I'll join friends for a run, go to the gym, or read and write while I sip a bowl (yes, bowl) of coffee. I used to just view this as "me time" and left it at that, but what I didn't realize was how much of an impact my mornings had on the rest of my day - and my choices throughout. It was my time to be selfish, to think only of myself and my needs, and to take the opportunity to start the day on the right foot, regardless of how the previous day went. It was always a new start, and I was in control. decided to use this control to establish healthy habits that would create a domino effect of good habits to follow thought the day. I started back on New Year's Day, the most cliché resolution day, simply with promising myself to drink warm lemon water first thing each morning. I bought a glass juicer that I squished half a lemon into while I let the hot water run, then combined and chugged with a straw. Not the most pleasant thing immediately after rolling out of bed when that 5am alarm goes off, but the benefit of knowing the good I was doing my body was rewarding. Not to mention, the tart taste woke me right up, which was helpful on days I dragged myself out the door to exercise minutes later.
Doing my body good on the inside made me want to do the same for the outside, and so I developed another daily habit: body brushing. This is one of my more bizarre things, yes, but with the benefits of exfoliating, increasing circulation, detoxing, and keeping cellulite at bay, it was an easy habit to keep, especially when I combined it with another daily habit: showering. Now, everyday before I shower, which I know I'll do, I body brush while the water warms. Consequentially, this lead to the habit of post-shower moisturizing. Amazing how something as simple as applying lotion (or coconut oil in my case) can be such a treat to yourself. The baby-soft skin as a result of the body brushing and moisturizing doesn't suck, either.
At this point on most mornings, it's still before breakfast, and the house is slowly starting to stir. I've already had my lemon water, exercised, and cared for my skin. This is my "feelin' pretty spiffy" time of the day since I have made all good choices and feel great, mentally and physically. Because of this, I am unlikely to ruin that with an unhealthy breakfast or poor attitude, and so the good habits keep unfolding as the day goes on. When I make myself a meal, I think about how it's nourishing my body, and that I'm eating for fuel, not comfort. Reminding myself to respect myself keeps me in check with my decisions - and this spans far beyond food, like when a client wants to be squeezed into an already packed day, and I have to say no, because saying yes meant not respecting my limits.
Another important way I "take care" is to eliminate the word "should" from most things. I should be at the playground with the girls, but I'd I would be cold, cranky, and miserable. I should eat this salad when what I really want is a burger. I should only have wine on weekends instead of incorporating it into mid-week laundry night. The thing about "should" is that it suggests something for us, based on society or other people we know, instead of allowing us to tune into our needs. The fact is, I get cold easily and don't want to be at the playground on those 40 degree days, and that if I'm craving a burger, I want to eat the damn burger, and that a glass of wine on Tuesday night turns folding 3 baskets of laundry into something relaxing and enjoyable instead of a dreaded chore.
As I've mentioned before, an area of struggle for me continues to be at night, after the kids are in bed. It's easy to justify an extra glass of wine or nighttime snack after an entire day of solid healthy habits, and even easier knowing I'll wake up to my warm lemon water and a fresh start the next day. This is where my work in "taking care" continues - but I'm also enjoying the challenge, and the reward being the good habit itself; when I wake up knowing I didn't over indulge, I feel a strong sense of self control. On nights where I may have had that little extra, I put my good habits to the test: eating a normal breakfast, exercising a normal amount, and continuing on with these little daily health choices to inspire another day of feeling good.
Taking care of how you think of yourself must be the first step in a healthy lifestyle. Mind over matter, love yourself first, and the healthy habits will naturally follow.
Tuesday, May 3, 2016
Job Lovin' and Making Changes
Sometimes, you have to make changes that work for you; that make your life easier and create more happiness. Today marks the start of a change that I had the luxury of creating myself - a new work schedule.
It sounds so simple - especially when I only made a few small changes, but the final decision to actually create these changes had me torn for months. As a massage therapist, a fair amount of my clients prefer afternoon or weekend appointments when they are out of work or school, and a big part of this profession is to be accommodating. So, I was. I hired a sitter who got my daughter off the bus on the afternoons I worked, fed my girls dinner, and made sure homework was done. This may sound like a good thing, but to me, those were my favorite parts of the day. I loved watching my daughter sprint from the bus to our front steps with her huge backpack bouncing behind her. I loved sitting between my girls at the dinner table and chatting about their school days. And, I loved watching my daughter zip through her homework in her school-loving way. And so, instead of feeling relieved to come home from work with all these things done, I felt like I missed out. For nearly 2 years I just told myself it's what needed to be done, and it was hard to consider cutting back since I really do enjoy going to work, but the more afternoons I worked, the more I felt a negative pull instead of a positive one. They are only going to be this little once, and so I decided that to me, this time was invaluable - even if it did mean creating a less flexible schedule for clients. First change made.
Second, was another tough decision to work less without losing too many hours. I know how fortunate I am to have built a solid clientele that keeps my schedule filled for several weeks at a time, but I also know that on some days, this work load was just too much. I didn't want the quality of my work to go down due to tired forearms and aching hands - not to mention, my husband and I didn't share a day off together and were seeing each other very minimally. And so the decision to go from 5 work days to 4 was next, with the perfect solution: lengthen my morning hours into the afternoon to make up for the lost day, but make that day off in the middle of my work week - which just so happens to fall on my husband's day of as well. BINGO. Mentally and physically, this break during the week allows the busier days to come to be manageable, and hooray for more time with my handsome hubby!
I've read a lot about happiness, and there hasn't been one book that doesn't mention choosing a career you love. Makes sense, since you spend most of your life working. I usually skimmed over these chapters since I was already job-lovin', but realizing that I could make my job even more enjoyable with a few simple changes made me feel empowered. I did this for myself and my family, and it feels damn good. Welcome, May! I'm giddy with excitement to embrace the challenge of a busier work day, with the gratitude of an extra day off and more afternoon time with my girls. Happiness really is an inside job, and I'm happy to go to work.
It sounds so simple - especially when I only made a few small changes, but the final decision to actually create these changes had me torn for months. As a massage therapist, a fair amount of my clients prefer afternoon or weekend appointments when they are out of work or school, and a big part of this profession is to be accommodating. So, I was. I hired a sitter who got my daughter off the bus on the afternoons I worked, fed my girls dinner, and made sure homework was done. This may sound like a good thing, but to me, those were my favorite parts of the day. I loved watching my daughter sprint from the bus to our front steps with her huge backpack bouncing behind her. I loved sitting between my girls at the dinner table and chatting about their school days. And, I loved watching my daughter zip through her homework in her school-loving way. And so, instead of feeling relieved to come home from work with all these things done, I felt like I missed out. For nearly 2 years I just told myself it's what needed to be done, and it was hard to consider cutting back since I really do enjoy going to work, but the more afternoons I worked, the more I felt a negative pull instead of a positive one. They are only going to be this little once, and so I decided that to me, this time was invaluable - even if it did mean creating a less flexible schedule for clients. First change made.
Second, was another tough decision to work less without losing too many hours. I know how fortunate I am to have built a solid clientele that keeps my schedule filled for several weeks at a time, but I also know that on some days, this work load was just too much. I didn't want the quality of my work to go down due to tired forearms and aching hands - not to mention, my husband and I didn't share a day off together and were seeing each other very minimally. And so the decision to go from 5 work days to 4 was next, with the perfect solution: lengthen my morning hours into the afternoon to make up for the lost day, but make that day off in the middle of my work week - which just so happens to fall on my husband's day of as well. BINGO. Mentally and physically, this break during the week allows the busier days to come to be manageable, and hooray for more time with my handsome hubby!
I've read a lot about happiness, and there hasn't been one book that doesn't mention choosing a career you love. Makes sense, since you spend most of your life working. I usually skimmed over these chapters since I was already job-lovin', but realizing that I could make my job even more enjoyable with a few simple changes made me feel empowered. I did this for myself and my family, and it feels damn good. Welcome, May! I'm giddy with excitement to embrace the challenge of a busier work day, with the gratitude of an extra day off and more afternoon time with my girls. Happiness really is an inside job, and I'm happy to go to work.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)