I've been stalling to write since our move.
I think I was waiting for the flood of sadness, worry, regret, fear - anything negative - so that I could work through it with words. Each day I wasn't sad or missing much from Mass., I would tell myself it was because I was too distracted with the newness, with house projects, with job hunting, with figuring out how the hell to get places. I thought for sure the holidays would do it for me; that I would miss family and friends and all that comes with tradition, and yet the tears never came. Then, I stalled to write even more at the fear that I would hurt those we left behind by loving our new life and lacking meltdowns.
But I'm showing up to say we fucking love it here.
There's been this sense of peace; an ease I can't explain. I no longer hound my husband about when he'll be home from work, because we're simply outdoors doing our own thing while we wait. I no longer feel pressured to walk the dogs, I want to, because it's so freaking nice out. Exercise is a no brainer. Family time is in abundance with street basketball games, neighborhood walks, and, well, a lack of babysitters. Even the layout of our house makes things easier; washing the dishes in a sink in the kitchen island, so I'm not removed from conversations, or having the laundry on the same floor as the bedrooms, saving trips to a basement. And, we scored big time having neighbors our age with similar aged kiddos.
Sometimes I still can't believe it all happened. It hasn't even been a full year since our vacation to Florida which sparked our first realistic desire to move south, and here we are. In the beginning, it felt like an extended vacation; a temporary move for some job or something. The thought of having to go back was a bummer, and then I'd remember we didn't have to and it seemed like a dream.
The ability to drive to vacation-like beaches anytime, watching the girls embrace neighborhood life with bike rides and friends, working out in a tank top in January...these factors have been a huge reassurance to us that we are where we are meant to be.
I still feel brave. I still have these "holy shit, we really did that!" moments. I feel proud of my husband for taking a risk, and even more-so that he is loving his new job. I feel fortunate to have the ability to take a break from massaging and work in a health food store for fun. My typical asshole-about-screen-time parenting has simmered down, because how can you say no after they were just outside running around for hours? I've loosened my grip on my overly-strict healthy eating because having pizza with your new neighbors or a few beers with new friends matters more. Things are just so much easier, more pleasant, laid back, and FUN.
Who knows what emotions the next few months or years will bring as we settle into new jobs, routines, people and places. Time with friends and family from back home will grow further and further apart. The shiny newness of our home, town, and activities will dull. Maybe that meltdown is still out there waiting for me, but all I can do is be in this moment where we are loving our life, and knowing it took some real guts to make that happen.
