Let's dive right in here- guilt is shitty. It only makes us feel badly about ourselves, a decision we may have made, or something in the past that we cannot go back and change. When you really think about it, feeling guilty is pointless; not only because we do not have the capability to go backwards in life but also because that guilt typically comes from an outside source, rather than from within ourselves. At least for me, I have learned that most "bad" decisions I have had less to do with the event itself and more with the guilt associated with it afterwards. However, I've also learned that if I am able to remove the guilt from my choices, I am able to choose more wisely and therefore gain confidence in my decision making. Not to mention, develop an ability to just enjoy more. Here's what I mean...
There are two things in my life that get more of my attention and energy than they deserve: eating and drinking. I grew up in a family that struggled with alcohol consumption, and have had my own struggles with food over the years. I have a tendency to be over-aware of my own alcohol and food consumption, and though these choices have grown to be quite healthy ones, I still find that I over think them and as a result, experience quite a bit of guilt when wandering out of my "norm".
Because of my family's history with drinking, I question nearly every one that I have. There are days where a nice glass of wine simply sounds good, and I talk myself out of it. Then, there are days where I have that glass (or two!) and find I can't even enjoy it because with each sip, I am wondering if I should pour it back into the bottle and make a tea instead. There are weeks that I am not in the mood to drink at all, and others where I'll have one with dinner or before bed every night. What I concluded was that I didn't feel better or worse based upon alcohol consumption, but from the confidence in my decision and the amount of guilt that came along with it.
If I was in the mood for a drink but forced myself to have something else, I felt deprived and under the pressure of my own over-analysis. If I had that drink but felt uneasy with each sip, I felt anxious and guilty for pouring it. Life is to enjoy, and here, I had to learn how. My only way of doing this was to remove any guilt associated with my decision. If I made the choice, whatever it was, that was that, and I was to allow myself to enjoy it. This went for food, too.
Having a sensitive gut and love for food is, at times, a tough combination. I've learned to create food choices that satisfy my big appetite and love for sweets while still being healthy and mindful of my tummy troubles. Now, having said that, this doesn't mean I never have ice cream with my kids or help myself to seconds - but this was another area that weighed heavily in the guilt department for me. It all comes down to the fact that our mind is in control of how we feel.
If we allow ourselves to feel guilty about the choices we make, it sets us up for negative self efficacy. We believe we have failed, tell ourselves we shouldn't have done that, and start to look at outside comparisons to either justify our decision or make us feel worse. For me, whether it was deciding to eat the ice cream or pour a second glass of wine, this negative mindset would spiral into thoughts of food restriction or over exercising as a form of self punishment. This, I decided, was bullshit. If I made the decision to gobble up some Acushnet Creamery or get my buzz on with some Cabernet, I needed to own it without being penalized. What was the point of these indulgences if I wasn't enjoying them? - that statement right there was an eye opener to so many different aspects of my life. I needed to enjoy my food and drink, I needed to embrace my rest days, I needed to be confident in my decisions; none of which would be possible without the removal of guilt.
It's a work in progress as it will always likely be, but I'm learning. When I'm staring at the bottom of an empty ice cream bowl, I remind myself how delicious it was instead of how far I will need to run to burn it off. When I decide on that glass of wine, I take the time to truly enjoy each sip. These things are made easier when other enjoyable aspects are incorporated - like having them outside in the sunshine or with good company. I've found that the more I enjoy the process of these things, the more I am able to rid of the guilt that could potentially be tied to them, because it is now an experience; something I am truly enjoying. I can wake up and remind myself how nice that glass of wine on the porch was last night, instead of feeling guilty about drinking it to begin with. I can relax and enjoy a treat with my girls knowing that I am embracing the time and memories with them. It's all about how we think, and in turn, how we talk to ourselves. If we think we are doing something wrong, we create our own guilt. If we own our decision, we can rid of it.
Own that shit!
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