Ego Awareness & News

I have this joke with my Mother, where I point out the fact that she wears her resume on her sleeve. Shortly after introducing herself to someone new, they are made aware of her high level of education, the fact that she's completed (and won some) 30 marathons, ran her own successful therapy practice, and nationally presented for years. This drove me nuts, because always I viewed it as being "showy" and high-up-on-the-ol'-horse. It wasn't until recently when I took a chance of doing something new - working in the bakery of a health food store - that I started to understand the ego's need to let your worth be known. And, how much of this need is rooted in both insecurities and the opinion of others.

So here I am, 30 years old, ugly-ass hat on, apron tied up, making 10 freaking dollars an hour, being told what to do by someone nearly a decade younger than me, and BOOM...I turn into my Mother. My ego felt it totally necessary to mention (on more than one occasion) how I used to make seventy-five dollars an hour working as a Massage Therapist in Massachusetts, as if this made my ten dollars an hour more credible. Talk of my current marathon training comes up often, both because it makes me feel like I'm accomplishing something, and because these co-workers in their young twenties have zero idea of what else to talk about with a married mother of two in her 30's. 

My manager loves me, and often tells me what a good job I'm doing, but I can't help nearly bursting out in laughter. I'm good at bagging bread? Boxing baked goods? Printing labels? Why don't I just walk into a kindergarten classroom, recite my ABC's, and claim to be the best.student.ever.? It's entirely ego based. If I'm being honest, I don't mind the job; it's mindless work that is easy on my body, the hours fly by, and day-old baked goods are my jam. But, my buddy Ego creeps in often to remind me of things like that time my co-worker asked me what month comes after February (actually happened) - and I start to climb my own high-horse and think I'm too good for the world of packaging and label printing. 

Good thing we only grow from being uncomfortable. I've spent the last several weeks sugar coating this job by calling it "fluffy" or "fun" or "for now", and all of that was because I was embarrassed. But why? If I was getting paid more, would I care as much? If my co-workers were of higher education, would I care as much? If I didn't have to play along pretending that someone leaving whipped cream in the cold case (gasp) was the worst thing ever, would I care as much? All I know is that the whole thing - both how I felt about the job and how I viewed other people's opinions of it - made me uncomfortable. I had no choice but to sit with it, learn from it, quiet the ego, and try to find some confidence in my choice to try something new. 

That was my plan, anyway, but all that really did was drive me to complete the licensing process for massage in North Carolina. This, by the way, was the most ridiculous process I've ever gone through, fully equipped with high school transcripts and fingerprints at the sheriff's office. 

One afternoon having my lonely-loser lunch alone in my car on my break, I forgot my book to read. In order to keep myself occupied for all 32 minutes of my allotted lunch, I decided to clean out my email inbox. Way down at the bottom, I found an email from back in April, where I had reached out to a chiropractor about a massage opportunity. Their reply had said that they did not currently have an opening, but to check back in the summertime when their office was expected to expand. Well, as our moving plans had it, we didn't make it down by summer, and other emails flooded my inbox moving this opportunity to the bottom and out of site. But here I am in my car, wearing my super cool (not) hat, dying a little inside about my bakery job, and I stumble back upon this email. I thought, hey, they probably filled the position, but what can it hurt to reach back out with an updated resume? 

I did.

They happened to be hiring as of THE DAY BEFORE.

I interviewed.

I gave a sample treatment.

I got the job. (!!!!)

And what a dream job is it. No rent, no laundry, no scheduling. Great hourly pay, working alongside two well established doctors, in a part of Wilmington close to the beach. Let's just say, my ego is just a little excited. 

So, maybe the ego isn't all bad. Maybe it was constantly reminding me of my worth, and drove me to find the perfect opportunity. Did I need to share previous pay or skill level or ability to run long distance to feel better at the bakery? No. I could have just taken the job for what it was: something new, something easy, something different. But, with that being said, I am looking forward to making a difference in people's lives other than properly packaged pound cakes. 

Ego, I see you.