As I've written before, disordered eating has haunted me for years. Even once I was able to overcome the viscous cycle of over eating, over exercising, and restricting, I found that the hard part had only just begun: changing the habit is one thing, but training your mind to think healthfully was another.
I think my biggest motivation is knowing that a nourished body is an admired body. My husband used to rebuttal my "look at that guy's 6 pack!" comment with a "yeah, but it's easy for him because he's skinny" comment. I used to defend Mr. 6-Pack by arguing that just because he's skinny doesn't mean he doesn't work out often and eat right, until I realized that there may be some truth to what my husband was saying. It had more to do with the fact that someone who has to work harder is, in a way, more respected for their hard work and in turn their athleticism and body. I learned that if I restricted my eating or over exercised after a binge, there was the "but" factor - and not in the bootylicious kind of way - but in the "yeah, she has a nice body but she barely eats" way. I didn't want their to be a "but" factor when it came to my body, training, or really anything. I wanted to be healthy, and do to that by developing healthy habits with both food and exercise. If someone tells me I look great, I want it to be because I AM an eater, and I DO work hard in the gym, and I WORK to nourish my body. That is much more admiral than someone who looks good "but" works out three times a day, "but" they skip meals.
Gaining this control over my eating habits has allowed for more healthy exercise habits. I no longer wake up in the morning and base the days work out on the amount of almonds and cashews consumed before bed. It was under control, and therefore my work out will be what my body needs that day, whether it be running, lifting, yoga, or most important - a rest day. I am much more inclined to actually rest when I feel my body needs it knowing that I don't need to "work off" the previous days choices. A quote from Women's Health has resonated with me deeply: "Exercise is a celebration of what your body can do. Not a punishment for what you ate" - Bingo. It's actually more motivating to work out knowing that I'm celebrating a healthy body instead of punishing a malnourished one.
Other than the removal of my "trigger foods" to help me gain control, one of the biggest factors to my foodie-joy has been to simply give into cravings. If I want a glass or two of wine, I pour it. If I want dessert after dinner, I eat it. I've learned that restricting leads to binging, and to break that cycle I needed to simply give in here or there. A few bites of ice cream was much better than the entire container of strawberries I used to substitute for, and squashed my craving instead of leaving my palate insatiable.
I love food, and I am an eater. There are 3 eggs in my omelets, an entire avocado in my salads, bacon on my grass-fed burger, and everything is doused in olive oil. I love that I can be an example of someone who has overcome disordered eating by ACTUALLY eating - and in the high-fat high-protein manner to boot. I am healthy because I eat well and often, and because I work out with a healthy mindset. I respect myself for the choices I make, and because of that, other's respect it too. I love challenging my body in terms of exercise: how much further can I run? How much heavier can I lift? What new yoga poses can I learn? And, I love refueling my body properly to earn that respect. I'd rather eat the damn broccoli and have a bloated belly than to avoid a healthy choice based on image. It's taken me a long time to get to where I am today, and there are still days that I am a little too aware of my eating habits, but I am confident in the choices I am making for my health, and look forward to continuing on in the right direction.
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