So far, The Happiness Project may be my favorite book about discovering happiness. Other books I have read have been wonderful, but also had this weird way of making me feel bad for wanting to do things like clean the house - because I should be learning to let that go and use my time more creatively, right? Well, this book has been the first to acknowledge that it's okay to want to do those things because it feels good to scratch things off you're to-do list, and with that, comes a sense of completion, relief, and even happiness. Even though I may not take a specific year to map out guidelines for each month with sub-sections to work on in order to have my own concrete "happiness project", it has inspired me to challenge myself and my routine in new ways that will ultimately add to the happiness I've already worked to hard to have. Here, I'll list a few simple things that the book has, so far, inspired me to do.
Make a to-do list. For me, this was less about chores and more about things I have been meaning to or wanting to get to.
I started with writing letters to the girls; it's something I've always wanted to start doing, and here is Lyla who turns 7 this summer and I've yet to write one letter! I want to write about their lives, maybe once or more a year, so that they can have them to read and to share when they get older. So, instead of reading with my morning coffee or my nighttime wine, I started the letters. I wrote all about them; their age, their friends, their silly stories, favorite foods, things I love to do with them, hobbies and quirks that make them uniquely them. It was fun to write because it was so easy to write about, and I loved doing it knowing that they may not see these letters until they are adults. It felt good to get the first one for each of them done, and now that I've started, I know I will be more apt to write down a funny saying or something worth remembering so we can always keep those memories.
Then I moved to an organization project: saving the girls' artwork and school projects. Lyla has a decorated pizza box under her bed where she stashes all her paper keepsakes, and I have an old hat box under there, too, for all the ones that Mommy wanted to keep. But they are both overflowing and serving little protection for these little masterpieces, so I finally made a point to get to the craft store and pick up big art portfolio storage cases. I've yet to weed through the mess that is under that bed, but still, it feels good to at least have them here, ready to be organized.
Other little things were simple, but had just been pushed to the back burner and had this nagging habit of reminding me at a time when I couldn't do anything about it - like being reminded to clean the hamsters cage when we see the hamster food at Walmart, but forgetting once we're home, or remembering to pay a bill that keeps getting pushed off. Anything that I found myself saying "shoot, I need to remember to do that!", I would start writing in the "notes" section of my phone and move it to the top of my to-do list when I had time.
Positive parenting changes.
There is no perfect parent, we all know that. But it's the one area that can always be tweaked and improved, so I decided to dig a little deeper into things I wish I did differently, more often, or even less, and put the effort in accordingly.
I started with bedtime. When Lyla was little, this was always a really sweet time; we would read her several stories, take turns swaying and singing to her, and then tuck her in tight. Once Hannah came along, this wonderful ritual slowly went away once our nights became less about a cute bedtime and more about getting a screaming baby and two exhausted parents to sleep. And even now that they are older, bedtime has become a boring routine of the girls getting themselves ready and a quick kiss goodnight from us. They may not need to be rocked to sleep with a lullaby anymore, but I wanted to start involving myself in their bedtime routine again, so I started simply with that. "Make bedtime more fun" I told myself. Instead of ordering them to go brush up, I joined them. I sat there and helped them floss as we discussed plans for the following day, took time to clean their ears and go over their teeth once they brushed. These changes are small but mean so much. It's much more pleasant to be in there helping them rather than barking orders from the couch or kitchen, then getting annoyed when there was more goofing off than teeth-brushing going on. When I'm in there with them, it get's done faster, and I get those few extra minutes to look at those adorable faces before bed: win-win. Another thing that stopped was bedtime reading - mostly because Lyla has been so into chapter books and wants to read them herself, and as monkey-see-monkey-do will have it, Hannah wanted to read in bed like her big sister - by herself. So, I would kiss them goodnight as they settled down with their own books, but then felt guilty about not spending more of bedtime with them. One night after brushing and flossing I said "okay Hannah, go pick out a book and meet me on Lyla's bed" - that 5 minutes of Little Red Riding Hood all cuddled up on Lyla's bed was adorable, and made me feel good about taking steps to getting our "cute bedtime" back.
Then I moved to compassion an acknowledgement. We are creatures of habit, and once Pandora's box is opened, it's easy to make a one-time-thing the norm; reacting a certain way to the girls' behavior, playing the blame game, or telling them how they feel. I wanted to change how I handled some situations and so I had to reroute my thinking.
First, I want my kiddos to know that accidents happen, and that they are okay. Too often I find myself getting frustrated when Hannah drops her water cup or when Lyla loses something. I had to start with my reaction to these accidents, because this was the first step of showing them it's okay. I hate seeing their little faces after they do something "wrong" while wondering if they're going to be in trouble. And my giant, frustrated sighs or firm tone wasn't helping. So, a deep breath for Mommy followed by "accidents happen!" has been my focus. Next, I had to turn off the "well, if you didn't ________, that wouldn't have happened!" Sure, if they weren't being silly at lunch time, Lyla wouldn't have knocked over her milk, but instead of blaming them, I've chosen to simply make it their responsibility for the mess. "Oh well, better grab a paper towel". It's not easy as I watch milk cascade down the counter top, onto the stool and into the lap of my fashion-loving Lyla who is now upset about a forced outfit change, but it does make me feel better which comes full circle when I can see the relief on her face from not being scolded or blamed.
Next, I wanted to zone in more on their feelings and really make a point to acknowledge them. I can't tell you how terrible if feels to have fallen into the "well that's too bad" parenting approach. And, unfortunately, more times than not, it's where I've found myself. Why couldn't I take an extra 15 seconds to explain why Hannah couldn't wear flip flops to school when it was snowing? Or explain to Lyla that after a huge dinner and good size snack that she doesn't need to eat something else before bed? It takes practically no time at all, and everyone walks away feeling better with simple reasoning and understanding.
These extra strides towards happiness may seem simple, but they make a huge difference. I feel good prioritizing my to-do list and accomplished when I can scratch things off of it. I feel better as a parent when I make the extra effort here and there. Simple but powerful.
Basically, this book rocks. Read it.
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